why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
