I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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