I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
