do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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