it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
