omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's Friday. Sex?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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