Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
is that a dick in a sweater?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
