I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
