you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
