you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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