i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
