last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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