I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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