I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
