are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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