I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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