I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
