Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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