doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
