Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
