That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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