I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
