I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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