I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
