she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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