i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize