Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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