So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize