I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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