Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
