i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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