my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize