you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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