i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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