My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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