ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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