I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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