Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
