First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
