my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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