sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
