I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
