..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
