so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
