Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
