During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
