She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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