some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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