As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
