Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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