Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize