I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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