I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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