its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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