dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
