I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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