the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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