So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
