the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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