He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
