so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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