My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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