I just threw up on my dentist
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
