Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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