dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
