At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
