I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
